Perry Como & Diahann Carroll sing Silver Bells

Perry Como - Do You Hear What I Hear

Perry Como - There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays

Andy Williams - It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Nat King Cole - Hark, The Herald Angels Sing

Bing Crosby - Do You Hear What I Hear?

The Jackson 5 - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Otis Redding - Merry Christmas Baby

My Christmas Tree - The Supremes

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - Dean Martin

Ray Conniff - jingle bells

A Charlie Brown Christmas - Christmas Time is Here Song

The Supremes - My Favourite Things & Silent Night !

Aaron Neville - Please Come Home for Christmas

Leaders Quotes

Here is a list of my favorite political quotes...

I think when you spread the wealth around it's good for everybody.
~Barack Obama

Christmas has been a season of mixed interests and meanings, but the very foundation, of course, is its religious significance. No matter what other personal desires or crises we have faced, I've never forgotten that this is the time to celebrate the birth of the Baby Jesus, and the impact of this event on the history of the world.

~Jimmy Carter, Christmas in Plains: Memories

I am neither bitter nor cynical but I do wish there was less immaturity in political thinking.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Our true choice is not between tax reduction on the one hand and avoidance of large deficits on the other; it is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power . . . an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough revenues to balance our budget -- just as it will never produce enough jobs or profits."
~ John F. Kennedy

"If I could find a way to get [Saddam Hussein] out of there, even putting a contract out on him, if the CIA still did that sort of a thing, assuming it ever did, I would be for it."
~ Richard M. Nixon

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.
~Richard Armour

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
~P.J. O'Rourke

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson

There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen.
~Author Unknown

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author Unknown

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
~Dave Barry

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

Politics - I don't know why, but they seem to have a tendency to separate us, to keep us from one another, while nature is always and ever making efforts to bring us together.
~Sean O'Casey

He's not a Republican, he's a Republican't.
~Author Unknown

A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits.
~Woodrow Wilson

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
~Winston Churchill

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
~Oscar Levant

I have accepted a seat in the House of Representatives, and thereby have consented to my own ruin, to your ruin, and to the ruin of our children. I give you this warning that you may prepare your mind for your fate.
~John Adams

Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.
~John Quincy Adams

I'll be glad to reply to or dodge your questions, depending on what I think will help our election most.
~George H. W. Bush

Today we affirm a new commitment to live out our nation's promise through civility, courage, compassion and character.
~George W. Bush

I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.
~Dwight D. Eisenhower

I am acutely aware that you have not elected me as your President by your ballots, so I ask you to confirm me with your prayers.
~Gerald R. Ford

No government ought to be without censors; and where the press is free no one ever will.
~Thomas Jefferson

A man without a vote is man without protection.
~Lyndon B. Johnson

He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.
~Abraham Lincoln

I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight. But my friends, my goddamned friends, they're the ones who keep me walking the floor at nights!
~Warren G. Harding

Be sincere; be brief; be seated.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

My dream of politics all my life has been that it is the common business, that it is something we owe to each other to understand and discuss with absolute frankness.
~Woodrow Wilson

Bing Crosby & David Bowie - The Little Drummer Boy / Peace On

Tom Waits - Jockey Full Of Bourbon (Down By Law Soundtrack)

Mr. Walter Cronkite

Walter Leland Cronkite, Jr. was a great broadcaster. My parents, and I would watch him on CBS, from 7:00 to 7:30, Monday through Friday. His legacy of integrity in journalism live on for all future generations of journalists. Thanks for the memories...


                                         Quote "And that's the way it is." – Walter Cronkite

Journalist, broadcaster, television news anchor. Born on November 4, 1916, in St. Joseph, Missouri. From the early 1960s to early 1980s, Walter Cronkite was a much admired evening news anchor on CBS, serving a reliable source of information for many Americans. Raised in Houston, Texas, he decided to become a journalist after reading a magazine article about a foreign correspondent. He left the University of Texas to work for the Houston Post in 1935, later working for Midwestern radio stations.

During World War II, Cronkite covered the European front for United Press and served as chief United Press correspondent at the Nuremberg trials. Joining CBS News in 1950, he worked on a variety of programs, and covered national political conventions and elections. He helped launch the CBS Evening News in 1962 and served as its news anchor until his retirement in 1981. The hallmarks of his style were honesty, impartiality and level-headedness, and ??And that's the way it is?? was his jaunty nightly sign-off. Identified in public opinion polls as the man Americans most trusted, he provided a voice of reason during the Vietnam and Watergate eras.

After retiring, Cronkite hosted CBS's Universe (1982), co-produced Why in the World (1981) for Public Broadcasting System, and hosted Dinosaur (1991) for the Arts and Entertainment cable television. He also did a special short series for CBS and the Discovery Channel in 1996 called Cronkite Remembers. In addition to his television work, Cronkite wrote several books, including A Reporter??s Life (1996) and Around America (2001).

During his distinguished career, Cronkite has won numerous awards, including the prestigious Peabody Award twice and several Emmy Awards as well as the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1981. Most recently, he received the News World International??s Lifetime Achievement Award in 2003 and the 2004 Harry S Truman Good Neighbor Award from the Truman Foundation.

In 2005, Cronkite suffered a great personal loss. His beloved wife Betsy died of cancer at the age of 89. Four years later, in mid-2009, Cronkite was reported to be ill with cerebrovascular disease. He died at his home in New York City on July 17, 2009, at the age of 92. He was buried next to his wife at their family cemetery plot in Kansas City, Missouri.


© 2011 A&E Television Networks. All rights reserved.

"No Truer Friend Than You"

Friends are like glue....they stick with you no matter what.
                                                                         

Author - Professor Frank Dobson

                                                                   Mother and Son

                                                                   Father and Son

                                                                    Super Lawyers

                                                                 

                                                   The Man, The Music, The Message

Professor Anthony Grace

Talking to a Child Who Has Been Abused

Every Child Has The Right to be Nurtured. Help Them Immediately!

Talking to a Child Who Has Been Abused
Authors: Saraswathy Ramamoorthy with Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CFLE

One thing that many people do not know about abused children is that they often love the person who is hurting them. This is very hard to believe but it is true. This happens because the person who is abusing them is often someone they know well and trust a lot. Children are therefore hesitant to reveal that they are being abused because they fear that they will get the person into trouble if they do so. Another reason for children not wanting to disclose abuse is that many times they have been frightened or threatened by the abuser.

The children in your care love and trust you. A child who has been abused may start talking to you about it. He may do so because he trusts you and wants to share the burden he is carrying with you. Hearing a child talking about being abused is very difficult. You may react in different ways. Your reaction is very important to the child. If you react with disgust or don’t believe what he is saying, he may stop talking to you about it. He will feel that you don’t trust him. This will prevent him from getting help. It also prevents the abuse from stopping.

Be very sensitive and listen carefully when a child is talking to you about abuse. Keep in mind that it is very difficult for the child to talk about being abused. This is especially hard for children who have been sexually abused. The child has gathered up all her courage to tell you about the abuse. How you handle the conversation will determine how you will be able to help the child.

Keep the following considerations in mind when talking to a child who is disclosing abuse:

• Help the child feel comfortable. Talking about abuse is not easy for the child. Respect the child’s privacy and talk to him in a quiet and private place. The place should be familiar to the child. This will help the child feel comfortable.

• Reassure the child that it is not her fault. Most children who are abused feel, or are told by their abusers, that they are to blame for their own abuse. It is very important to tell the child that she is not guilty and that she is not responsible for the abuse. Let them know that they have not done anything wrong.

• Don’t react with shock, anger, disgust. Your reaction to that the child tells you is very important to the child. He will be watching your reaction closely. Be calm. When you react with disgust or anger, he will not feel comfortable talking to you anymore. He may also feel scared and confused. This will prevent you from acting promptly and getting help immediately.

• Don’t force a child to talk. Give the child time. Let her talk to you at her own pace. If the child is unwilling to talk or seems uncomfortable, don’t pressurize her to do so. If the child seems uncomfortable when talking about certain specific things, don’t press her for details. You can change the topic to something that the child is more comfortable talking about.

• Don’t force a child to show injuries. If the child is willing to show you his injuries, you may allow him to do so. However, when a child is unwilling to show you his injuries, you may not insist that he do so. Also, you cannot insist that a child take off his clothing so that you can see his injuries.

• Use terms and language that the child can understand. If the child says something that you don’t understand, like a word for a body part, ask the child to explain or to point to the body part. Don’t correct or make fun of the words the child is using. When you use the same words as the child does, it helps the child feel less confused and more relaxed. The child will feel that you understand him.

• Don’t ‘interview’ the child. The purpose of your discussion with the child is to gather enough information so that you can make an informed report to the local CPS agency or to your supervisor. When you have the information you need, you must stop the discussion. Don’t try to prove that abuse has happened.

• Ask appropriate questions. The questions that you ask the child must be appropriately worded. Choose your language carefully. This ensures that you get correct information from the child. For example, if you see a bruise on a child and you suspect that it is the result of abuse, you may say to the child, “That looks painful. Do you want to tell me how you got it” or “Do you want to talk about that bruise you have”. It would be inappropriate to say, “Did you get that bruise when someone hit you?” Remember that you can do more harm by supplying a child with words and ideas. Let the child tell her own story and give you the answers.

• Don’t ask ‘why’ questions. Why questions like, “Why did he hit you?” or “Why she do that?” will only confuse a child more. Remember that children who are abused often do not understand why it is happening. These types of questions will force them to think about the reasons for the abuse. ‘Why’ questions also will not give you any helpful information.

• Don’t teach the child new terms or words. Don’t teach the child new words or give her new ideas. This is harmful. When you do this, you are biasing the child. Also, when you teach a child a new term or word, you are changing the child’s original disclosure. This is important in relation to the court and law.

• Find out what the child wants from you. A child may ask you to promise not to tell anyone. He may ask you to take him home with you. He may ask you what you are going to do. It is good to know what the child is expecting from you. This will help you in deciding what your course of action should be.

• Be honest with the child. Let the child know what you are going to do. This will build trust. Be honest about what you can do for him. Don’t promise him things that cannot be done. For example- let him know that you may have to tell someone so that he will not be hurt anymore. Then he will not be surprised or afraid when he finds out that someone knows.

• Confirm the child’s feelings. Let the child know that it is okay to feel scared, hurt, confused or angry.

• Be supportive. Let the child know that you are glad she told you about the abuse. Let her know that you believe her and that you care about her. Some children may think that you will not like them anymore because of what they told you. Assure her that you are still her friend.

• Remember: the safety of the child is most important. Be sensitive to and aware of the child’s safety. Keep in mind that a child might be further abused if he reports that he has spoken to someone about the abuse. If you feel that the child is in danger, you must contact CPS immediately.

Talking to Parents About Child Abuse
Authors: Saraswathy Ramamoorthy with Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CFLE

As a childcare provider, your relationship with the parents is important. You do not want to ruin your good relationship with the parents. However, your responsibility to the children comes first. You may have to talk to parents about child abuse. Your reasons for talking to parents may be different. You may want to know the parents better and may want to interact with them one-on-one. You may suspect possible abuse or see possible signs of abuse in a child and may want to talk to the parents about it. You may even have to tell the parents that a child abuse report has been filed against them. Whatever the reasons may be, talking to parents about abuse is not easy. It is a very sensitive issue and must be handled carefully.

Here are some considerations to keep in mind when talking to parents about child abuse:

• Identify the appropriate person to talk to the parents. It is important that you first identify the person who should talk to the parents. Most often, it is the person that directly takes care of the child, which is you. In certain situations, it might be appropriate to have your supervisor or the director of the child care center present with you at the meeting. There might be situations where a team needs to be present at the meeting. Other people who could possibly be present at the meeting include a social worker, CPS agency representative, pediatrician etc.

• Be professional. You may know the parents well from daily interactions with them. Remember that parents will be very anxious, angry and worried in such situations. Respect their feelings. Conduct the meeting in a private place and make them as comfortable as possible.

• Be honest and direct. At the start of the meeting, clearly explain the reason for the meeting. If you or your program have taken any action or are planning to, you must explain the action to the parents clearly. Many parents will not know that childcare professionals are legally required by law to report child abuse. Explain to the parents what the law requires and allows you to do. Explain to them what the law requires and allows them to do.

• Avoid blaming or judging. Often, situations that appear to be abuse or maltreatment turn out to be something else. Also, it is not your responsibility to find the cause for the abuse. Avoid blaming anyone for the abuse or making judgments.

• Never betray the child’s confidence. It is inappropriate to say, for example, “Your child said that…” or “We were told by Mike that…” Do not betray the confidence of the child. Remember that children trust you with what they have told you.

• Do not react with anger, shock or disgust. Avoid displaying any emotions. Be neutral and calm.

• Assure the parents of confidentiality. The parents must know that all information will be kept confidential. However, you must also explain to the parents that some information might have to be shared with an appropriate third party such as the CPS agency, doctor etc.

• Assure the parents of your support. The parents need to know that you and the child care program will support then in this difficult time. Assure them that their child will still receive good care and love. Let them know that you care about the family. Parents will be more likely to open up and seek help when they know that you are willing to help them.

• Inform parents if they have been reported. If a report has been made against the parents, they have a right to know about it. They will feel let down if they are not informed.

Dealing with child abuse is not easy. You must keep in mind that there are many situations that are not clear cases of abuse. Sometimes, it is very difficult to recognize abuse or neglect. It is also very difficult to approach parents about abuse. You must be very careful and sensitive when dealing with abuse. Also, your interactions with a child and the parents will influence how you feel about them. It will affect how you want to handle a situation of abuse. You must keep personal thoughts and feelings out of this. There may be times when you cannot believe that a child’s parents, relatives or family friends can possible abuse a child. You must remember that abuse and neglect can happen in any family and with any child. People who abuse children can be of any race, gender, income level, educational level or culture. As a child care provider, your responsibility to the safety of the children in your care is most important.

Free Your Mind

Starvngpoet

Anger is what I feel.
No confidence within.
I want to speak out loud,
But know it is not wise.
I will sit and feel this rage,
This deep spirit of revenge.
Soon I will speak my mind.
What will I have to say?
Quite frankly~ I don't know.

Cherish

Starvngpoet
Take my love,
Hide it away,
keep it sacred
Never take it for granted.
Remember the words that were spoken,
Never lie to the soul
Keep this passion alive.
Miss me much I'll miss you too.
Come for me and I will be waiting with open arms.

Coping With Chronic Back Pain

I was diagnosed about 8 years ago with spinal stenosis. I saw a pain Specialist in August 2011; he gave me a cortisone Injection in my lower back and it worked. The shot contains a steroid an anti-inflammatory drug, which create separation of the disc and the nerve so that the pain and numbness can start to calm. When pain is decreased from cortisone it is because the inflammation has diminished. By injecting the cortisone into a particular area of inflammation, high concentrations of the medication can be given while keeping potential side-effects to a minimum. I currently take narcotic medication to treat my acute back pain. I am looking forward to round three in two weeks.

 
Lumbar Spinal Stenosis

The lumbar spine is made up of five vertebral bodies in the lower back. Nerves coming off the spinal cord travel though the spinal canal and exit the canal through small openings on the sides of the vertebral called foramen. Lumbar stenosis (spinal stenosis) is a condition whereby either the spinal canal (central stenosis) or vertebral foramen (foraminal stenosis) becomes narrowed. If the narrowing is substantial, it causes compression of the nerves, which causes the painful symptoms of lumbar spinal stenosis.

What causes lumbar spinal stenosis?

The most common cause of lumbar spinal stenosis is degenerative arthritis. As with other joints in the body arthritis commonly occurs in the spine as part of the normal ageing process. This can lead to loss of the cartilage between the bones at the joints, formation of  spurs(osteophytes), loss of the normal height of the discs between the vertebrae of the spine (degenerative disc disease), and overgrowth (hypertrophy) of the ligamentous structures. Each of these processes reduces the normal space available for the nerves and can directly press on nerve tissues to cause lumbar spinal stenosis.

Lumbar spinal stenosis can also be caused by other conditions that decrease the space of the spinal canal or vertebral foramen. These can include: tumor, infection, and  various metabolic bone disorders, such as Paget's disease of bone. These causes are much less common than degenerative arthritis.

What are the symptoms of lumbar spinal stenosis?

Lumbar spinal stenosis can cause: low back pain, weakness, numbness, pain, and loss of sensation in the legs.
In most cases the symptoms improve when the patient is sitting or leaning forward. Typically, painful sensations shoot down the legs with continue walking, and diminish with resting. Standing and bending backwards can make the symptoms worse. This is because bending forward increases the space in the spinal canal and vertebral foramen, while bending backward decrease the space. It's more comfortable for patients to sit or lean forward and are unable to walk for long distances. Patients often state their symptoms are improved when bending forward while walking with the support of a walker or shopping cart.

In most cases the symptoms gradually worsen with time. This is because degenerative arthritis is a progressive disease that gradually becomes more severe with time. If left untreated the compression on the nerves from lumbar spinal stenosis can lead to increasing weakness and loss of function of the legs. It can also lead to loss of bowel and bladder control and loss of sexual function. I haven't had any bowel problems so far...knock on wood!  Your doctor can help determine if your symptoms are from lumbar spinal stenosis or a different condition. Many other disorders can cause similar symptoms including: diabetic neuropathy peripheral vascular disease, and vascular claudication.

Lumbar Stenosis  Research

Funny Face

My beautiful daughter  Che (a.k.a.) "Funny Face"

THE OLD PHONE

 I love this story and just had to pass it on. I hope you enjoy it
and get a blessing from it just as I did

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was 'Information Please' and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time. My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.  I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone!

Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. 'Information, please' I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

'Information.'  'I hurt my finger...' I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.
'Isn't your mother home?' came the question.
'Nobody's home but me,' I blubbered..
'Are you bleeding?' the voice asked.
'No,' I replied. 'I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.'
'Can you open the icebox?' she asked.
I said I could.
'Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,' said the voice.

After that, I called 'Information Please' for everything.  I asked her for help with my geography, and she told
me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, 'Information Please' and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, 'Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on
the bottom of a cage?'

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, 'Gene, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.'  Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone and called, 'Information Please.'

'Information,' said in the now familiar voice.

'How do I spell fix?' I asked.  All this took place in a small town in Oklahoma. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend  very much. 'Information Please' belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a call with a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in  Seattle . I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then
without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, 'Information Please..'

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well. 'Information.'  I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, 'Could you please tell me how to spell fix?'  There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, 'I guess your finger must have healed by now.'  I laughed, 'So it's really you,' I said. 'I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?'

I wonder,' she said, 'if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.'  I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

'Please do', she said. 'Just ask for Sally.'

Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, 'Information.' I asked for Sally.

'Are you a friend?' she said.
'Yes, a very old friend,' I answered.
'I'm sorry to have to tell you this,' she said. 'Sally had been
working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.'

Before I could hang up she said, 'Wait a minute, did you say your name was Gene?'

'Yes.' I answered.

'Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called.  Let me read it to you.' The note said, 'Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean.' I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.  Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.  Whose life have you touched today?

Why not pass this on? I just did....

Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for. Life is a journey. NOT a guided tour.

Universal Health Care

I am an American citizen appalled by the health care system in America. I have a twenty-five year old daughter who cannot afford health insurance and has tried on many occasions to apply for the basic care program for low income people. She was denied assistance because she does not have children and no disability ailment. I would like to see Universal card coverage provided for all Americans in this country.

I have other family members that cannot afford health insurance. The cost of medicine my family spends is frequently not covered by insurance which forces them to travel out of the United States for drug purchases at substantially lower prices. There has to be a better solution to this problem.

We are Americans. We should look out for each other and care for those who cannot care for themselves. It should be a basic human right regardless of the individual economic status. It is appalling to watch patients being denied medical attention because they do not have health insurance.

I for one favor Ralph Nader campaign where the government finances health care, but keeps the delivery of health care to private non-profits, and allow free choice of doctors and hospitals for patients.

The health insurance industry and the pharmaceutical companies are gouging us and I am sick of it. I will end with a saying from one of our great Nobel Peace Prize and Political Activists. "Of all the forms of inequality, the injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane. "-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Sens. Udall, Bennet propose amendment to overturn Citizens United ruling | The Raw Story

Sens. Udall, Bennet propose amendment to overturn Citizens United ruling | The Raw Story

How Much Does Hormone Replacement Therapy Cost?

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT), also called hormone therapy, sometimes is used to counter side effects, such as hot flashes, mood swings and vaginal dryness, that can result from a decrease in female hormones during menopause.

Typical costs:
For patients not covered by health insurance, the average monthly cost of hormone replacement therapy can range from about $10 to $85, depending on the drug used. Generic estrogen-only or progesterone-only pills fall at the lower end of the cost range, while brand name estrogen-plus-progesterone pills or patches such as Prempro the CombiPatch, fall in the middle and some bioidentical estrogen vaginal creams, such as Estrace Cream, can fall on the high end. ConsumerReports.com offers a comparison chart of the monthly costs of various hormone replacement therapy pills, creams and patches.

Hormone replacement therapy is covered by most health insurance plans, but some do not cover it because they consider hormone-level decline a normal part of aging. For example, several women on WebMD's menopause support forum stated that their Kaiser plans did not cover HRT.
For patients covered by insurance, prescription drug copays range from $5 to $30 per month.
What should be included:

Hormone replacement therapy typically contains synthetic versions of the hormones estrogen and progestin or a combination of the two. Recently, there has been more interest in bioidentical hormones, which mimic those produced by a woman's body. Harvard Health provides an overview of bioidentical hormones, and cautions that there is no solid scientific evidence these are safer or more effective than non-bioidentical hormones.
Hormone replacement therapy generally is available in the form of a pill, a patch, a gel, a vaginal cream or a slow-releasing vaginal ring. Most pills are taken daily, and most creams are applied daily, while patches are usually applied once or twice a week. The North American Menopause Society has an overview of HRT.

Additional costs:
An initial doctor visit is required, and that can cost between $75 and $200 without insurance.
Before prescribing HRT, the doctor probably will order a blood test to check hormone levels, and it can cost about $1,000 without insurance.
Periodic follow-up doctor visits, and possibly follow-up blood testing, will be required.

Discounts:
Walmart offers several generic HRT drugs for $4 for a monthly supply.

Shopping for hormone replacement therapy:
Hormone replacement therapy was much more commonly prescribed before a 2002 study exposed some risks, such as an increased risk of heart disease, blood clots, strokes and breast cancer. Now, long-term hormone replacement therapy generally is not recommended, but short-term therapy may, in addition to symptom relief, provide other health benefits, such as protection against osteoporosis and colorectal cancer. The Mayo Clinic provides an overview of benefits and risks, and the American Cancer Society offers a detailed FAQ on HRT and risk for different types of cancer.
Talk to your regular gynecologist about whether you are a candidate for HRT. Or, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists offers a doctor finder by state.
However, even short-term hormone replacement therapy is not recommended for women with heart disease, breast cancer or history of strokes. The National Institutes of Health provides an overview of research on complementary and alternative therapies.
Side effects of hormone replacement therapy can include symptoms such as headaches, stomache cramps, fluid retention, breast tenderness and changes in sex drive.
Material on this page is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice. Always consult your physician or pharmacist regarding medications or medical procedures.

time

The Crazy Woman

 by Gwendolyn Brooks
I shall not sing a May song.
A May song should be gay.
I'll wait until November
And sing a song of gray

I'll wait until November
That is the time for me.
I'll go out in the frosty dark
And sing most terribly.

And all the little people
Will stare at me and say,
"That is the Crazy Woman
Who would not sing in May."

One Wants A Teller In A Time Like This

 by Gwendolyn Brooks
One wants a teller in a time like this

One's not a man, one's not a woman grown
To bear enormous business all alone.

One cannot walk this winding street with pride
Straight-shouldered, tranquil-eyed,
Knowing one knows for sure the way back home.
One wonders if one has a home.

One is not certain if or why or how.
One wants a Teller now:

Put on your rubbers and you won't catch a cold
Here's hell, there's heaven. Go to Sunday School
Be patient, time brings all good things--(and cool
Stong balm to calm the burning at the brain?)
Behold,
Love's true, and triumphs; and God's actual.

Petals

 by Amy Lowell
Life is a stream
On which we strew
Petal by petal the flower of our heart;
The end lost in dream,
They float past our view,
We only watch their glad, early start.
Freighted with hope,
Crimsoned with joy,
We scatter the leaves of our opening rose;
Their widening scope,
Their distant employ,
We never shall know. And the stream as it flows
Sweeps them away,
Each one is gone
Ever beyond into infinite ways.
We alone stay
While years hurry on,
The flower fared forth, though its fragrance still stays.

Messy Room

by Shel Silverstein
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater's been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or--
Huh? You say it's mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!

If I Should Die

by Emily Dickinson
If I should die,
And you should live --
And time should gurgle on --
And morn should beam --
And noon should burn --
As it has usual done --
If Birds should build as early
And Bees as bustling go --
One might depart at option
From enterprise below!
'Tis sweet to know that stocks will stand
When we with Daisies lie --
That Commerce will continue --
And Trades as briskly fly --
It makes the parting tranquil
And keeps the soul serene --
That gentlemen so sprightly
Conduct the pleasing scene!

Whispers Of Immortality

Webster was much possessed by death
And saw the skull beneath the skin;
And breastless creatures under ground
Leaned backward with a lipless grin.
Daffodil bulbs instead of balls
Stared from the sockets of the eyes!
He knew that thought clings round dead limbs
Tightening its lusts and luxuries.
Donne, I suppose, was such another
Who found no substitute for sense;
To seize and clutch and penetrate;
Expert beyond experience,
He knew the anguish of the marrow
The ague of the skeleton;
No contact possible to flesh
Allayed the fever of the bone.
. . . . . . . .
Grishkin is nice: her Russian eye
Is underlined for emphasis;
Uncorseted, her friendly bust
Gives promise of pneumatic bliss.
The couched Brazilian jaguar
Compels the scampering marmoset
With subtle effluence of cat;
Grishkin has a maisonette;
The sleek Brazilian jaguar
Does not in its arboreal gloom
Distil so rank a feline smell
As Grishkin in a drawing-room.
And even the Abstract Entities
Circumambulate her charm;
But our lot crawls between dry ribs
To keep our metaphysics warm.

by T. S. Eliot

Office Politics

Is a co-worker making you want to tear your hair out?  Did the Boss call you into his/her office and then pull the rug out from under you! ... Bully at Work Moody Boss Karma Office Gossip No Picnic Back ... She constantly says inappropriate things in the office (anyone in earshot can hear), and has no trouble voicing her displeasure with almost all of the staff . I once worked in an office with someone that made everyone around her miserable. Finally, someone else in the office made a complaint to our boss about her and nothing was done. She found out about it and made your life a living hell until you quit. It turned out she was sleeping with the boss!  Fact. An investigation of the office found sloppiness and mishandling of funds/resources, low productivity and inaccuracy. It caused an office shut down and loss of jobs.

http://www.officepolitics.com/

It Takes A Villiage

by Starvngpoet

Things might get a bit complicated as the story unfolds. At times I’m not sure if I am coming or going or even what day my birthday actually falls on. Some say I could be two years older than my birth year or two years younger because a fire destroyed the hospital records where I was born. I was born January nineteenth, nineteen fifty-nine in Oriental, NC to a mother who’d given birth to six other children. She was warned by her father not to bring another baby into his home or she would have to leave. Apparently my mother did not marry any of her children’s father and with that stern reprimand from him, she hid the pregnancy. Although I did not receive the proper prenatal care. I still arrived in this world a healthy baby girl.


My mother entered the hospital where a midwife befriends her as she prepared for birth and, whom I thank to this day for saving my life. She told me the story of my early life and how she’d lost out on a promise that was made between her, the best friend and the best friend's husband. Upon entering the room, the mid wife noticed my mother crying. She asked if there was something she could do to help and my mother said yes. "You can take this baby and get rid of it". The mid wife calmed my mother and advised her to wait a few days before making such a decision. My mother told her to mind her business unless she could find a way to rid of the baby. She said she could help but for now wanted her to relax and concentrate on giving birth to a healthy baby. I was born that evening and placed in my mother's arms. She refused to hold me. I was immediately taken away and placed with the other babies in the nursery.

Two days before discharged she hadn’t name me and it was explained that she had to give the child a name. My mother asked to speak with the mid wife who helped with the delivery. She was off that day but came in to see her. They discussed a way for my mother to leave the hospital without taking me with her. On the day of my discharge I wasn't given a name because my mother met the mid wife in the back of the hospital as planned. She threw me into the arms of the mid wife as she reached for the door to leave. The Midwife had to sit because she was badly shaken from having a child thrown at her as if it was nothing more than a rag doll. My mother told the mid wife if she had not shown up she would have thrown me in the trash bin behind the hospital. My life now was in the hands of the mid wife and as I listened. I felt anger toward my mother and pity for her as well. I tried to understand the reasoning for giving me away and wanted to believe she was a good person inside. That would change after I received more information from different people who believed my mother to be a selfish, and a manipulative person.

I must take a moment and give the mid wife a name. She had become the first mother that I’d grown to know and love from the bottom of my heat and deserve to have a proper name. Although it is not what I called her throughout my life, but it was the first word that came to mind while listening to the story she told. I will name her "Angel." I believe God had placed her with my mother to protect me from such a dangerous woman who would have thrown my life away to save face with my grandfather. I believe in Angels and she had become mine. Angel went home that evening and introduced me to her two children and told them what had happened over the past few days. She felt they deserve to know the truth. She’d never lied to them before and was not about to now. They accepted me as their baby sister and loved me as Angel taught them too.


It was difficult trying to work and take care of a new born as a single mother. She could not take time off as she’d liked, so she turned to her best friend name Leona. Leona was married and excited to have me as part of her family and did anything to help her best friend out. Every day after work Angel dropped by Leona’s to take me home. It was a deal they agreed on that lasted for five years until the death of Leona due to pneumonia. Angel was devastated…they were inseparable. She explained how they often fought over whose weekend it was to keep me. She cried, she laughed, when she spoke of Leona and in her words she was an Angel from God too. There were those who assumed Leona was the mother instead of Angel because of the time I spent, from days, evenings and weekends at Leon‘s home. I felt much warmth hearing how much Leona loved me but when Angel began to speak of Leon’s husband James, I noticed a change in her voice. It was a harsh, sharp tone. She spoke of him with much dislike. After the burial of his beloved wife, James decided to keep me and Angel explained it this way:


There was a promise made months before her death between Leona and Angel that James was to marry Angel and make us a family when Leona passed on. The promise was broken and James never returned me to Angel and used the "single mother’s" threat against her if she tried to take me back. She said he threatened to contact Social Services and report her as an unfit mother and she allowed him to keep me if he allowed her visits throughout the week…It lasted six months until James moved to another town without notifying Angel. She became angry with James. I do not blame her after all she was the one who bought me into their lives and now was treated as an outsider. I couldn't understand why James treated her that way.

There were a lot of things I didn't understand as she explained them to me, and after hearing them I wished my mother would have succeeded in throwing me in the trash. I couldn't believe the things she was telling me. Some of it was so graphic that I cannot bring myself to repeat it again. Besides I’d only heard her side and not James’s version, and if I ever got the chance it would be too embarrassing to discuss it with him. It was easier hearing it from Angel as a woman than from James, but to this day I feel guilty because I never asked him about the rumor. Maybe I didn’t want to believe such stories about him. There were rumors around town of James leaving me with women who did not have good, wholesome values. They had alcohol and parties at all hours of the night. I told her I could not recall any of it. She said I was too young to remember when such mishaps occurred. I thought it was weird that I could not remember the wild parties and drunken women but I remembered sitting upon James’s shoulder's on our walks from the baby sitter’s at night; hearing the sound of God's creatures, and falling asleep as the breeze whispered to me while I laid my cheek upon his head.


I continued to listen as Angel expressed her anger for James. She said she didn't want to play James's game but had to do what was necessary to keep me in her life so she used the same threat he'd used earlier to keep me in his care and out of her reach. She contacted Social Services to report that an unmarried man was living in his home with a daughter and son without proper supervision.
In certain states you must be married to have a baby girl living in your home. I listened to stories of James's behavior and how he promised to straighten up his life while my days were now spent with Angel. She said those were the happiest days of her life until my birth mother came snooping around. I didn't want to know about her but Angel insists I listen and keep an open mind.

One day a couple came with my mother to Angel’s house. The lady examined certain parts of my body before she turned to my mother and said "put that child up for adoption and move on with your life." Apparently my mother had accused the woman’s husband as being my father and this socialite was not having any part of my mother’s foolish game, Angel said she never heard from the couple again. My mother on the other hand, came back a month later wanting to see me and Angel refused the visit. Angel’s health began to fail her and she could not care for me. James continued to remain in the company of different women, so there was no one else to look after me. Angel had no choice but to surrender me to Social Services and have me placed in foster care. She asked if I remembered going to foster care. I told her that I remembered the first day being dropped off with a suitcase, and crying but not much after that. Not even the part of leaving her home to go there. However, I definitely missed seeing her face. Angel thought because of my age things were hard to remember. I was five at the time of being placed in foster care. She said it amazed her...I could remember the suitcase and foster home but could not remember my mother and the couple incident that happened earlier. I'm not sure why maybe it wasn’t too important to remember.

I remained in foster care for five years and it is where my fourth mother, Katherine became an important key in my life. Some children have unpleasant experiences in foster homes; however, my experiences were wonderful. So much so that it is the first place I call home when I go back to visit … Some may say she’s my foster mother but to me she was a mother who nurtured, loved and made sure I learned my manners. She had become my mother too. Katherine became a foster mother to fifty-eight children, adopted one and wanted to adopt me but could not because someone was in the process of doing so. I didn’t know this of course until I was older and learned this from Katherine. She had cared for children of different nationalities and ages from four days to sixteen years. The older ones always introduced her as their mother. I remember the foster home and playing with the other foster kids.

There were two sisters there I grew fond of, and looked forward to playing with but they weren’t there very long, still, it was a pleasure to be there with them during their short stay. The girls were so pretty that it didn’t take long for someone to come along and adopt them. It was the saddest day of my life. I’d memorized their names and faces. They were even in my dreams. We played double Dutch, hopscotch, hide and seek, watched cartoons together, giggled at everything. Even when Katherine told us to stop laughing, we snickered behind her back. We knew not to get on her bad side.

She was kind and loving and knew how to discipline when necessary but it did not stop us from testing the waters. It was easier to mock and tease behind her back than dare do so to her face. All it took was one stern look and the voice that made you wet yourself to know never to face her front on. I should know... I got a spanking for losing five dollars of hers. It was my first and last spanking and I made sure never to make her angry again.

It happened this way.

Katherine sent me to the store with five dollars for a pack of butter. I see two scenarios happening between me leaving the house and reaching the store. The first is a man walking up to me…I am looking down at the five dollar bill where he snatches it from me and runs. The second takes place inside of the store where I reach onto the shelf for the butter, walking up to the cashier and placing the money along with the item on the conveyor belt and there went the money beneath the belt and the butter made it safely to the cashier. I believed the latter is what happened. I remember laying the money on the belt and hearing someone behind tell me to pick up the money before it slid underneath the belt. As I think back on that day, I truly believe that is how it happened, and someone behind me whispered in my ear “you’re going to get it if you lose that money.”

Talk about hearing the sound of thunder and beating of my own heart oh god it was all I could hear all the way home and the laughter of the adults in the store mocking my fate for being careless with Katherine’s money. You’d think they’d have pity on me and let me go with the butter, right. Wrong. I had to face the one woman in town that scared the living day light out of every child in the neighborhood. You see it wasn’t that she was a mean person she just didn’t tolerate any mess from anyone and till this day is loved by all.

She was known in the neighborhood as the freeze cup, candy apple and ice cream lady and if you didn’t have enough money for what you wanted she’d let you have it but reminded you not to come back unless you had more money the next time. The kids would take the candy or whatever they came to buy and run out the house almost taking the screen door with them. She’d laugh at them and yell "see you tomorrow." I wasn’t expecting to get a beating for losing the money and I near passed out walking back to the house. It was hot that day to me, hotter than hell could ever be. It seemed like the longest walk I’d ever taken back to Katherine’s house.

The tears had already begun after hearing those folks talk about me getting skinned alive. I began to say my favorite words that I pray every night while the sun baked me just a little more. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my soul the lord to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take." I thought that would comfort me, give me a little peace inside before the storm. There was no calm for me for as soon as I turned the corner to the house and heard the screeching of her voice which went from raspy to a screeching tire sound that’s trying to stop before a crash. I knew then not even a prayer would stop this woman from skinning me alive. I heard nothing but "where is my Butter? “Where is my money?" It was sooooooooo loud and screeching that I wet my panties standing right there before her. But it did not stop her from asking a third time for the butter. I answered in a whisper voice “I don’t know?" I think I used the first scenario that a man took it and ran. She screeched louder, yelling I was lying to her and that I’d better go find him and bring back the money. She wasn’t buying it so I told her I think I lost it on the roller thingy. That’s all it took when the spanking began right there with her hand which hurt worse than a belt or switch could ever do. She had no problem finding contact with my fanny. With those heavy hands, I got a double whammy that day and could not sit down without sitting sideways.

She never sent me to the store again and I was happy that she didn’t. To this day there is a man without a face haunting me with that five dollar bill and a roller belt at the grocery store running away with Katherine’s money and through it all it is my place to go home too. I believed I call it home because I felt connected with the other children there. Although they were there temporarily there was always a connection to one mom and her husband, He was rarely home for working long hours but when present it felt like a family and it is a time in my past I will never forget.

Days passed and children came and went from the foster home including the two girls I had grown fond of, and it was truly one of the saddest days of my life. I stared at that window, which seem like eternally, until an older girl visiting took me for a walk to try to get me to talk about my loss. I couldn’t remember what she was saying to me; it was like gibberish coming out of her mouth a mile an hour. All I wanted was for them to come home and play with me. My days were lonely. I was the only girl in that home and remember thinking to my self nobody loves me for I am the ugly duckling.


There was a younger boy there that I played with and grew to love and found out later he was adopted by Katherine. We became close and played on the swing in the yard filled with dirt until we became dust babies. We looked like Ethiopians with swollen heads, pot bellies and so dusty, as if a wind storm had come through and gave us a dirt bath as we stood there with grit in our mouth grinning at each other in awe of our dirty clothes and body. It might not have been a pleasant experience for Katherine, who had to clean the bathtub after our bath but she seemed not to say one way or the other. I enjoyed my baths at night alone in the tub and always thought they were too short but after taking a bath and watching TV before bed time it was the best ending to a long day of hot weather, sunshine, and dirt. We look forward to playing in the dirt another day. It made my days go quick but I really missed the friendship of the sister’s that I never saw again.

I begin to think of Angel and started to inquire questions about her. Katherine told me she didn’t know anything about her but would see what she could find out for me. What I didn’t know at the time was that foster children could not have contact with anyone of the past who might have had interest in or previous contact with them. Yet I am told of James visits where he took me to church. He’d found god and was now a preacher. Every Sunday morning he took me to church where I sat on the front pew while women made a fuss over me to get his attention. Katherine said it was disgusting to see women act a fool over a minister who wasn’t the least interested in any of them. He had his eye on another woman. She had six children, very Christian and more to his liking. I don’t remember much about the visit but I recall playing in the dirt with two other girls, but they were not the girls I remember from Katherine’s house. The street and house were different from the one I played, slept and ate at. I don’t remember staying long that day and I never went back to play at that house and yard again.

I was happy at Katherine’s house. It had become my home until the day they took me away. It had become another sad point in my life and now I was leaving the only place I remembered as home and to this day I resent the way social service took me away from Katherine’s home. How can you expect a young child to leave the only home she’s ever known for years and place her with strangers? Sure, I had Sunday visits with James, but I didn’t remember them. I wasn’t listening that day when Katherine called me from the kitchen table to the front door where the suitcase sat. I didn’t put two and two together even after seeing the two girls’ leave with their suitcases that it was time to go. I didn’t get it. The only words I understood that day were “a visit to the man who took me to church on Sunday,” and even when I saw Katherine sitting at the table with a handkerchief in her hand and wiping her eyes, I didn’t realize I was going away never to sleep as a child in her home again. I got in the car with this lady who took me on a ride that seem without end before arriving to James’s home. I asked again where we were going. She said for a ride to meet some people. I’d forget about the man from church because she now phrased it as people. I asked what people, who they were, and why so far away. She said nice people who want to see you and want you to play with their children; I did not realize getting out of the car that day and playing with the same little girls from the house and yard a while back had become the visitors.


The day I was taken away from my foster home was worse than any spanking I could had ever received. The drive to the house in the country seemed longer than the butter incident. If I had to think back to the events of that day with the visitors it would be running behind the car of the social worker who left dust in my face and crying until dark while James sat on the porch with me and my suitcase. The next morning I woke up in a new bed and no one around to assist me with washing my face and getting me dressed for the day. I was miserable, I didn’t eat, I wouldn’t talk and I would not sit with them. I begin to withdraw within. They were all strangers to me and I didn’t want any part of them. No one told me James finally got his life together, remarried and won custody of me.

The adoption was finalized and I was finally given a legal name. And this is where my fifth and final mother completes the fold. She didn’t know what she was getting into with me; after spending a few years in the country, the place I’d fallen in love with and a place that became my tranquility. We moved back to the city where I learned to find my way around. I memorized streets when we drove places. One in particular was my old foster home street name, and every chance that my parents went out for a drive or dinner together I made it my business to run to my foster home. I told Katherine how angry I was with them for taking me away. She said she was sad too. I begin to rebel and wanted her to take me back, but she explained she could not. I didn’t want to hear that and became angry with her, I stopped seeing her for awhile and tried to find Angel whom I lost contact with after being placed in foster home but through word of mouth found her and comfort in running away where she hid me for days. I didn’t want to stay with James and his new wife. She had five daughters and I felt there wasn’t enough room for me and that James only wanted me because Angel sought after me. That’s what Angel was telling me. She told me things about James that I believed. After all I didn’t know anything about him. I didn’t remember church outings with him.

But then something strange happened one night while at Angels place. I had a dream and in it I was sitting on top of James’s shoulders with my cheek resting on his head, but that wasn’t a dream, it actually happened. I recall James taking me to the babysitter’s home and playing with her son, eating lunch there and taking a bubble bath while the sitter watched the Lawrence Welch show. I memorized one incident where the babysitter’s son and I had a secret place where we played doctor and nurse; I was scolded by the sitter for playing such a game with him. She made me play by myself the rest of the day. I entertained myself by going to the church next to her house, sitting near the headstone of James’s beloved wife Leona.


There are times when I close my eyes and I can see James’s silhouette standing next to me as we look down on her grave. Not sure what he’s saying if anything but it was real and thinking back bought more memories of him. I thought back to the wind upon my cheek, the dirt road, the critters and James humming a tune that he also sang when he tucked me in bed at night. I remember watching the bottom of his shoes walk out of the room and into the hallway where the light shined on top of his shoes. I recalled sitting on the porch with James clothed in a pretty red plaid dress with white lace socks and black patent shoes waiting what for I do not know. I’m not sure if we went to church that day but that night in Angel’s home I begin to see James in a different light than what she’d told me. It’s not that I didn’t believe what she said about him it’s just that I begin to see he loved me and maybe he made a promise to Leona to help raise me but never to marry Angel.

We heard a horn blow outside of Angel’s home. It was James and his wife my fifth mother whom I will call Clara. I gave Clara a hard time because I was angry with her for what happened to Angel and now it seemed she was stealing James from me after my dream revelation. I became closer to James and begin to ask questions about my childhood. He was eager to talk and told me his side of the story and of course a different version was explained. He told me there was no such promise to marry Angel and if there was an agreement it was between the women for he never got wind of it, he said it was Angel with the wild life style. But a mystery brother he adopted and I didn’t know existed, found me and told me James was a womanizer and a partying man and it is how Angel got me back before giving me to social services. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because it was his past and he was now a married man with a family. I was confused enough and was trying to find an encouraging period in my life.


I was not there to judge but to find answers to my beginning and to be fair and keep an open mind as Angel asked me to for my birth mother. James’s account seemed more believable than Angel’s because it fit in place with how I became to live with James and Clara. He told me I was living with him when social services took me from him. Someone reported him as having parties and women at the house during late hours with a small child and a young son living in his home. He said he played cards on the weekend and had quiet gatherings but I was taken away because of the legality of living with an unmarried man with a little girl in the home.

James was given notice to turn me over to social services within a week. I’d heard of this son from Angel and was skeptical until I was invited for a summer visit with him and his family. Talk about confused and lost for words, I didn’t know what to think. After my visit with my brother in New York, I sought out Katherine for answers but her lips were tight as a sealed envelope. I knew if I asked Angel I’d get a different story. She told me a story of James stealing me from her and taking me to lunch at a little café downtown, where he went to the restroom, walked out and forgot about me. I was placed on display in a window with a sign around my neck that read “little girl misplaced by her father. “ When he returned, he was scolded by the owner where Angel got wind of it. James made her promise not to tell Leona, if she told on him she would not see me again. I never questioned James about it but I was told by another party that it happened but it was more of a humorous cute story than with James deliberately leaving me behind.


I was now in my teens and wanted to know more about my birth mother, so many half truths, and characters in my life. I wanted to know if she was alive and what about my brothers? I was told I had six brothers yet I knew nothing about them.

If I ask James he‘d tell me different stories about them. If I asked Angel she’d tell me that they were working with families and lived about twenty miles away and living around my birth mother. Every time I’d asked James to take me to visit her he’d say okay. But when time came to go, I was told by friends of his that one of the brothers died, or why bother. They could be immigrants or that it would break my father’s heart if I left him. Finally, I said alright and left well enough alone.


I begin to work on my relationship at home with Clara, but something was still missing. I felt my dad slipping away from me and I was angry at myself for searching out a mother who cared not enough to keep me but offered to throw me in a bin because of her father’s threat. Yet here before me was a loving step mother with girls of her own who cared enough to accept one more. And I show my gratitude by adding more pressure to their lives while they tried so hard to love me and make me part of the family. I had become my own worst enemy.

Months later my father had triple bypass surgery I begin to withdraw again. I was losing him and I felt my behavior was part of the problem. I continue to run back to Angel. I told her about my father’s condition. She was worried too, and told me that she loved him and was devastated that she’d lost him to another woman. I told her I know and that he loved her too but not in the way she wanted. I believed he cared for her in a Christian way but loved Clara with all his heart. I never once heard them argue or say an unkind word toward one another or about other’s the way Angel spoke of him. After James’s surgery I settled down for awhile but became restless and was finally put out by Clara with the news of my pregnancy. She’d had enough and told each of us if we became pregnant and had not finish school we had to leave. The first to go was her youngest daughter who moved in with the father of her child. I followed and slept in cars and buildings until my sister found a place where we shared food and rent until she moved out of town. I kept the place, found a job and moved to a bigger place for my son and me.

I never stop searching for my real mother until I was adult and married with family. I was informed while carrying my third child that she had passed away and the name of the burial place. I have not gone to see the site and feel no reason to do so. I had four mothers and a father who loved me dearly in their own way and I would not have it any other way. I was blessed to have such lives cross my path and each journey took me through love, hate, misunderstanding, forgiveness and patience and through it all the greatest gift I gained from each of them was Love.

I lost contact with Angel and heard that she died from a stroke. I was devastated to hear she had passed away for I never got a chance to tell her how much I loved her and thank her for saving my life.

James’s health began to fail him and I saw his friend’s come around more than usual. It was then that I knew something was wrong. I was at my father’s house visiting one Sunday after church and one of his dear friends asked to speak to me alone. I said sure and went into the dinning area where he told me to always remember that my dad was a good man and loved me dearly.

I thought it strange that his friend pulled me aside to tell me something that I already knew but I listened anyway to what he had to say. He said there would be different stories told about James and I had to remember the good things and forgive those who repeated bad things about him. He said he knew my father to be a good man and we all had faults and were not to judge. I wasn’t sure what it meant but I believed it had something to do with rumors of wild parties and women. Later into the week I was over to my father’s house and another minister friend of his came over to see him. I didn’t know my father was leaving that same week for the hospital never to return home again.

The minister gave me a big hug and talked about how much I’d grown, I guess making small talk before the big talk. They talked more about my childhood and reminiscing about the good old days of my youth and their mischief. I told them I was surprised to hear about their glory days but in the back of mine I felt there was some truth to what Angel had said about the women. It might not have been as wild as she claimed but James was not the saint that I thought. His friend got serious after a few laughs about the past and said there may be rumors that my father did not want me but that it was not true. He said Jim short for James loved me and would give his life if necessary.

I looked at my father and told his friend I believed him. My father’s eyes welled with tears and I knew he believed in what I said. There was a moment of silence between the three of us before I excused myself to allow them time to spend together for it would be the last time my father’s friend would see him alive. I was so vulnerable to whatever my father told me and never believed it would be my final week of seeing my dad alive. I took on a lot of guilt that week because I was asked to stay with him while my mother attended a conference for her minister course, but because my husband couldn’t handle the children and go to work, I put my family needs over my father. I have felt guilt ever since.

I told my grandmother how much it bothered me she said the only thing that should worry me is that I never called him father or dad. He had a nickname that everyone called him but my grandmother made me see things in a different perspective.
On my visit to the hospital three hour drive from home. I begin to think of what she said and made it a point to greet him as dad instead of the nickname we called him growing up. When I saw him at the hospital I called him dad and gave him a big kiss and hug. He seemed pleased. My other regret was taking my two children with me to the hospital and not allowing them to see their grandfather for the last time but I was so naïve and honestly thought he was there for a short visit.

James (Dad) died twenty-seven days before the birth of my third child. He died February first nineteen eighty-seven. He was born on February nineteen, I’m not sure of the year and my son was born February twenty-eight nineteen eighty seven. I did not attend my father’s funeral due to doctor’s order but I cried like a baby and still do at times when I think of him. I never realize how much he’d gone through for me until I went back and read my diary from my teenage years and thought back to all the good stories I've heard about him.


Katherine sold her house and moved into a small apartment. Several months after the move, her health began to fail. She was placed in a nursing home, two weeks later she passed away from cancer. I loved her much.

Clara (Mom) had a stroke. Clara’s stroke along with other health related issues left her legally blind and paralyzed on one side of her body. My family and I drove down to be with her during her stay in the hospital. Mom passed away earlier this month. I loved her  and I miss her dearly.


If I could use one word to describe my gratitude for what they all have done for me it would be “Thanks” from the bottom of my heart. Your love for me has shown me the way to love and it’s what I express to all who cross my path today.

There is no greater power than LOVE.

Katherine

James (Dad)

Clara

Me

"Opposites Attract"

You complete me.
How do I know?
You are the Yin to my Yang,
we are in perfect harmony.

Fruit Don’t Fall Far

BY ELSA VON FREYTAG-LORINGHOVEN

From Daddy sprung my inborn ribaldry.
His crudeness destined me to be the same.
A seedlet, flowered from a shitty heap, . . . 

Ambien Side Effects Addiction and Abuse

I currently take 10mg of ambien to help me get a full night sleep.  I have major side effects,  short term memory loss, lack of sleep, night sweats, nightmares, dry mouth, Sensation of Spinning, Confused, Depression, Hallucination and eating disorder. I called immediately, and made an appointment to see my doctor.  Please make sure you understand signs of serious side effects for this medications.  Here's a few examples of the kinds of conversations I've been having with my daughter: on Ambien, discussing breakfast and my condition.

http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-9690-Ambien+Oral.aspx?drugid=9690&drugname=Ambien+Oral

And Still I Rise

The Dr. Oz Show

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/how-identify-and-treat-sleep-apnea